A response to I’m Gay, Not Queer. It Matters.
Mr. Vines has written a truly stunning piece published by the ever-affirming New York Times. He reminds us how the queer community dares to remain a broad, undefined, sinful, umbrella collective, shame on them indeed! (Where is Hannah Waddingham and her bell?)
Do ‘they’ not realize the peril they invite when they wander beyond the rigid, heteronormative definitions of 2026 conservative America? Perhaps if they adhered strictly to actual, traditional, Biblical marriage, that our amateur scholar cherishes so dearly then he would finally be satisfied. Or perhaps the queers take up polygamy like Abraham and his descendants, or even secured a formal concubine arrangement, then this brilliant scholar would have kindred feelings to all the colors in the non-biblical rainbow.
Mr. Vines describes two options presented by his holy scriptures: Yes, they are the lustful and exploitative practices, or lifelong love and commitment. I ponder whether our author has even begun to examine how his description of a “covenant designed to reflect God’s self-giving love for humanity through the sacrificial love of spouses for each other” is displayed through straight marriages and their divorce rate. Perhaps the vast amount of straight divorces are all reflections of God’s love for them? And certainly he feels that straight divorce, prostitution, straight swingers, and fornicators are all discoloring the sanctity of and jeopardizing the holy institution of marriage for straights! Nonetheless… we must demand queers be paragons of “sacrificial love” just to be tolerated by their straight counterparts.
One can only pity the tragic nearsightedness of a Bible scholar who forgets the very foundation of his pontificating privilege. He enjoys the sanitized institution of marriage today for one reason only, a riotous, rebellious group of queers flatly refused to remain quiet. But historical realities are terribly inconvenient when you are busy seeking the approval of your oppressors.
Just examine the audacity of these queers who foster such a repugnant “us versus them” mentality! Thank goodness we have this scholar to meticulously mansplain and pinpoint why they are wrong, masterfully doing so by pitting the ‘good moral gays’ against the ‘bad repugnant queers’ to forge his very own, highly sophisticated “us versus them” paradigm. These brilliant intellectual gymnastics on display are a modern marvel.
But we must, of course, prioritize his safety above all else. He wishes to reside comfortably in a red state as an assimilated, respectable gay in his community. Naturally, his right to blend in unequivocally certainly supersedes the fundamental human rights of any rational, self-accepting queer, transgender, or polyamorous individual. Their survival or rather erasure is simply a small, necessary tax to pay for his neighborhood barbecue invitations so that he may forget his sinful state and frolic in the love of his retrofitted heteronormative union and clearly ‘accepting’ congregation.
And this is apparently Christ’s love? Perhaps he forgets that love is to be selfless, rather than costly and selfish. Our scholar’s expressions can best be described as a fear that his right to marry is sinking like the Titanic, struck by a rainbow iceberg. Unfortunately, the ‘first-class gays’ are the only ones boarding the lifeboats, and we certainly cannot expect Mr. Vines to be anything like a Molly Brown, instructing the boat to turn back for the queers just barely surviving in the frigid waters. There isn’t even room on Mr. Vines’ floating door, but don’t worry, he will ‘never let go’ of the Godly love he harbors for the rest of us.
What a brilliant strategy to promote a culture of respectability by blaming the victims of oppression for their own marginalization. Since his superior, patriarchal, masculine brain is in such an accepting state perhaps he would like to address rape culture next? With this logic we indeed can conclude those girls shouldn’t have dressed like sluts, they had it coming.
But we bemoan: if only the marginalized weren’t so flamboyant, so rebellious, so stubbornly refusing to fall in line with patriarchal views of what a man should do and what a woman should aspire to, perhaps the bigots would finally be kind?
So, kudos to him for showing such validating, heartfelt concern for conservative Christians. His rights are undoubtedly safe in their benevolent hands, as he certainly won’t be needing the help of any of us rebellious queers anytime soon.